Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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