i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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