dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
50% drunk capacity currently
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
