I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's always time for handjobs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
