I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
