How'd it feel making her break her religion?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
