Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
