I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize