life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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