I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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