Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
