apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
