god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
