i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
