my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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