Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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