You smell like stripper and shame
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
