somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
