At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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