it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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