if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
