I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
