Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
