By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
