the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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