"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
