he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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