So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
