Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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