What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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