I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
