My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
