I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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