Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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