what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
