You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this just has baby written all over it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
