Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
