i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
