Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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