Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
