Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
