at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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