my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to make out with him forever
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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