Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
4 words: hood of his car
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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