I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
