Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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