Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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