ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
