Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You are the jesus of drinking
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
