Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
