i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
