she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
