In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
