Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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