Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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