I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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