Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
