She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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