So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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