problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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