I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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