i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
