Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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