she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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