It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
