Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
