So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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