i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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