Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
