Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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