after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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